I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
