I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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