is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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