this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
