The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
