Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
