I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize