He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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