Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
