Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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