meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
