I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize