sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize