my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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