If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
