my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
