I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
