oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
