how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
