I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
