Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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