You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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