I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
