so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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