I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
