woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
