Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
