i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize