I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
