so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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