Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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