We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
