She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
