Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
