have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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