words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
