At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
