my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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