you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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