I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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