Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
