I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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