He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
