I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
