Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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