So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
