"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
