When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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