i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
