Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
