There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize