Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
