I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize