In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
