remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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