the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
