Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
