So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
