It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
