Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
