I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
