Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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