so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
