Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
