his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Michael Bay diarrhea
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
