Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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