I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
