garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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