no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
