If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
