I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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