That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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