walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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