Cold hands, warm shart.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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