I've blown a few things in my day
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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