My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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