Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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